This is exacerbated when the issue goes untreated. He may start to believe that he will never be good enough for his mothers approval. Its important to remember that youre not alone in this. One study detailed the importance of coping strategies for mothers of adult sons with mental illness/disability. This can lead to anxiety and feeling suffocated by the relationship. Then, I got a call back that no . This type of behavior can be extremely harmful to the son, as it can lead to him feeling suffocated and unable to live his life the way he wants to. Theyre also hurting their mothers, who are often the closest people to them in the world. This can lead to a cycle of poor treatment and resentment. Here are some tell-tale signs that your mother-son relationship may need some attention: Controlling mothers are very common in todays world. Engages in horrific boundary-breaking. In these situations, the son may be left feeling confused and angry. No one deserves to be treated poorly, no matter the circumstances. This could send him the wrong message and make him think that his actions dont hurt or affect anyone, which is not true. The study found that participants listed mental health issues and emotional abuse as reasons for their estrangements. Finally, if the issue persists and nothing seems to be changing, dont be afraid to ask for professional help. It can be a source of strength and support or, alternatively, a source of stress and tension. A sons relationship with his mother not only helps the son form his very own identity but also influences how he interacts with others, including other women, later on in life. This can cause confusion and frustration for the son and may lead to disrespectful behavior. We laugh at the comical show, Everybody Loves Raymond, about Ray Barone and his dysfunctional family, but in reality, this overbearing mother and co-dependent son is no laughing matter. She bad-mouths her sons girlfriend or spouse. They may feel like they are not good enough or that they do not deserve their mothers love. There is a difference between the concerned mother giving advice out of love and the judgmental, pushy, and intrusive mother who just wants to tell her son what to do. An enmeshed mother-son relationship is one in which the boundaries between the two are blurred. Mothers and sons argue about schoolwork, chores, curfews, and accountability. According to HUD, on any given night there's an estimated 580,000 homeless people, a staggering number, so what do you do when your son is one of them? https://aleteia.org/2018/12/09/the-impact-of-controlling-mothers-on-their-sons/, https://www.bustle.com/p/9-signs-your-mom-is-too-controlling-how-to-deal-with-it-36863, https://onlinelibrary-wiley-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1995.tb00076.x, http://standalone.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/HiddenVoices.FinalReport.pdf, https://search-proquest-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/docview/614509632/fulltextPDF/DD39F752A24D4257PQ/1?accountid=13158, https://www.livescience.com/8156-boys-close-relationship-mom.html. If possible, schedule the meeting in the evening or on a weekend. The hatred between a son and his mother develops over time when boundaries continue to be disrespected. They may also resent her for not leaving the abuser when they had the chance. The mother may also be too busy and only spend time with her son when she is forced to do so by circumstances. This goes full circle to show your son how much you care, that youre human, and that youre willing to go to great lengths to build a healthy mother-son relationship. The son may feel like he cant live up to his mothers expectations or that he must take care of her emotionally. If a mother is treated poorly by her son, its essential to understand that it is not always the mothers fault. We also participate in programs from other affiliate sites. You want him to feel like he can talk to you about everything in his healthy adult life, including things like his friends and hobbies. Parenting means taking care of your child, making decisions for your childs well-being, and raising your child to be a good, moral person. It will make him feel like he is not good enough or has done something wrong. Here are five of the most common reasons sons treat their mothers poorly. However, there are some points that mothers need to keep in mind so that they do not make their sons resent them later on. Sometimes, its because their parents had trouble showing how they felt. The one emotion boys are allowed to show? Remember, he is still learning how to be an adult. Therapy can be a great tool to help work through issues and get to the root of the problem. Related Heres how to set boundaries for your in-laws. Mothers Should Not Judge Their Sons Too Much. Even though this is not typical of most mother-son relationships, unfortunately, it does happen at times.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4','ezslot_25',162,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-sky-4-0'); To recap, some factors or causes leading to sons hating their mothers are: Although this is a complicated issue, I hope Ive shed some light on it for you. This way, they can mend their relationship. This can be clearly seen in the actions of males in particular. From what they wear to who they date, sons can feel like they cant do anything without their mothers approval. Sons can also feel suffocated by mothers who are overly involved in their lives. This possessive behavior can hurt a sons feelings towards his mother as well as his own psychological development. Some of the most illuminating writing on the mother-son relationships comes from William Pollack in his book Real Boys, where he describes how men are forced into a "gender straitjacket" and how mothers can reinforce these norms by encouraging them to suppress emotion. A son whose mother is constantly prying may end up being constantly angry with his interfering parent. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2','ezslot_21',115,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-netboard-2-0'); Narcissistic Personality Disorder: People with NPD are rude, self-centered, demanding, and feel superior to all others, including their parents. Everyone needs to recognize that this does not mean that a son does not love his mother. A son who treats his mother poorly might feel too restricted or micromanaged, or he's going through some issues. The key to a healthy mother-son relationship is communication. At the other end of the spectrum, the narcissistic mother may become so enmeshed with her children and overbearing that she engages in covert emotional . They may feel like they are not good enough or that they do not deserve their mother's love. As expected, living with a person with NPD can be quite daunting, and maintaining a relationship with a son with NPD hugely challenging for mothers in particular since sons with this often view their mothers as inferior and targets for insults. Looking the other way is allowing abuse to happen on your watch. The sons actions can include: Sons who treat their mothers poorly arent just hurting themselves. From superhero movies likeSpider-ManandBatmanto music videos featuring artists likeDrakeandChris Brown, young men are exposed to a range of masculine behaviors that they may not be equipped to handle. And no one thing always means sons will love or hate their mothers. In this case, the mother has a soft heart, so she always forgives her son. Many times, a son will hate his mother because she is continually crossing boundaries, criticizing, and disrespecting his choices. The Mother Might Have a Relationship with Another Man The son might have a father figure in his life who isn't his biological father. A mother must show her son that she loves him without being too much. Check out our Have A Peaceful Home Without Yelling video course here. The children from mothers who were avoidant, anxious, or ambivalent did not rely on their mothers for support. Men will compromise in different ways with a mom as opposed to another woman. The mother is overbearing and controlling. Mothers who do not get enough attention from their partners, have trouble finding fulfillment in their work, or struggle with depression are more likely to hurt their adult child in this way. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1','ezslot_18',157,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-narrow-sky-1-0'); Sons need to feel that their mothers believe in them. For example, issues such as in-laws, marriage, and even divorce were common reasons a son would find estrangement necessary. (If youd like more on Jordan Peterson and his perspective on lifes issues, his latest book, Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life is now available at Amazon.) It's unclear where the saying originated, but it permeates the relationship advice culture for women. She may try to manipulate him by saying things like,I know whats best for you,orYou need to do this because I said so.This type of mother-son relationship can be unhealthy for both parties involved because it can lead to resentment and anger on the sons part. For the most part, the first thing Ive learned about sons who hate their mothers is that there is not a one-size-fits-all reason behind it. Step 1. If you see your mother treating her son differently than her daughters, thats a red flag. The mother-son relationship is complex and often influenced by media depictions of what it means to be a man. You can also set up consequences for when these boundaries are crossed, but make sure theyre reasonable and that your son will actually follow through with them. How To Survive Financially As A Single Mom: 13 Actionable Tips To Fewer Money Woes! Why are some sons so mean to their mothers? Their mothers are over-involved in their lives. The son feels like he cant please his mother. This is one of the most important things you can do for your son. Things change. Its crucial to be patient with your son and not hold grudges, no matter how difficult hes being and how hes treating you. How did a loving mother-son relationship become hateful? Support is essential for a childs development and growth, no matter how old they are. But why? They concluded that the males argued more with the mothers, had fewer responsibilities like chores, and could not make decisions like daughters. She involves herself in her sons personal relationship business. If you must give criticism, do so constructively and without belittling your son. She has three degrees in the field of education, been department chair of several grade levels, and interim principal in Los Angeles. She is a former public school teacher of 18 years, licensed in 3 states and certified to teach elementary, secondary English, and English Language Learners. They feel theyve been pushed aside and want to make it known that theyre still important in their mothers life. "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' My Son Is Homeless (Facing Difficult Choices). Whatever the reason, I feel sorry for any child who disrespects their mom and misses out on one of the most important nurturing and loving relationships they will ever have. 6 Ways To Keep The Zen! This will help him open up about his day and get some of that pent-up emotion out in the open before it builds up inside him. If it does not resolve, it can feel like a death. Some sons are jealous of their mothers relationship with their spouse. As such, Ive approached this topic sincerely and am happy to share with you what Ive learned about this paradoxical issue. Males in particular have a higher rate of diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder than females.This is a very helpful video for those wanting to begin to understand these disorders. This can cause the son to become angry and resentful towards his mother. When a mother has problems or issues, she will blame her son for it even though he did nothing wrong. If you see any of these signs in your own relationship with your mother, its important to address them so that you can have a healthy and happy relationship. Lastly, if you want your son to grow up to be a responsible adult, it is important that you respect him as an adult. This can be evidenced by the son constantly seeking approval from his mother or always feeling like he has to live up to her expectations. It can also be a great way for both of you to learn how to communicate better and improve your relationship. Little Ninja Parenting is supported by participation in affiliate programs. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-banner-1','ezslot_6',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-banner-1-0');Although this psychological study examined later-born, not first-born, boys, it did illustrate how mothers may treat their sons differently and, in turn, could lead to negative effects. 1. When Your Mother Makes Up Stories (Explained With Tips). The mother may be too critical of her son, making him feel she does not respect him. When he feels comfortable talking with you about the things that matter to him, hell be more likely to open up about other things, toolike when something might be bothering him or if something is going on at school. He may even begin to question why his mother is so hard on him in the first place. You dont have to agree with everything he does and say yes when he asks for something, but you must trust him enough to give him the space he needs to find his way and make mistakes along the way. 6. Please love your mother too. The dysfunction of the mother-son relationship will always affect his other relationships, in either big or small ways, whether the son likes or not. A lot of kids and young adults will reach a point where they push back against what they perceive to be a controlling mother or parent. For example, a study in the academic journal Personal Relationships examined how adult attachment styles are influenced by how close the mother was to her children. If they are attracted to the opposite sex, that is, daughters like fathers, while sons like their mothers, that's positive Phallic psychosexual development, and this could help us explain why sons are closer to their mothers. Dr.Timothy Legg says that if youre not willing to sacrifice the relationship, then you must modify your behavior in relation to the behavior of the person with NPD. And to do this successfully usually requires regular and consistent therapy involving all stakeholders, if possible: the son, the mother, and the father. Renowned clinical psychologist and respected university professor, Jordan B. Peterson, has addressed the mother-son relationship extensively via professional talks and books. Mother-son relationships can be complicated, and the specifics of a dysfunctional one vary widely. Disrespecting boundaries may start at a young age and continue through adulthood. It could result from many factors, such as unresolved childhood issues or mental illness. Sons who hate their mothers may exhibit the following traits: Aggressive behavior Avoidance and detachment in relationships Distrust of females Emotional issues in childhood and in adult life What's tricky to comprehend, though, is that a son from an abusive mother will just as likely love her as hate her. Mothers who micro-manage their children make them feel like they can t function without Mom. The overly controlling mother This form of parenting is seen quite often in mother-daughter relationships. Because in a healthy family world, all children are treated equally. In some cases, sons may even verbally or physically abuse their mothers if they are feeling particularly angry or frustrated. If your son has experienced any kind of childhood trauma, it can lead to emotional and behavioral issues that will often be taken out on you. However, for sons, their negative relationship with their mother more often had ripple effects to break down other relationships. It can be difficult for mothers to treat their adult son and daughter equally regarding discipline, love, and affection. Parents must understand the difference between these two scenarios so that they can take steps toward having a healthy relationship with their son if necessary and move past any problems that might arise between them in the future. Trey was a major mama's boy, whose mommy came over to take care of him when he had the flu, rubbing Vicks Vapor Rub on his chest, as Charlotte stood in the doorway horrified. This is a severe issue that should be dealt with immediately. And believe me the biggest regret is having mistreated your own mother. Sons who treat their mothers poorly are often lost and confused. Poorly Seasoned Cast Iron - How to Tell and Fix. Therefore, the sons feel the mothers dont have faith in them as adults, or of their ability to make good decisions. I cant imagine my sons hating me, but Im sure neither can most moms. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Oedipus Complex: Complex of emotions of the son around age 3-5 towards his mother that positively or negatively affects his future relationships depending on the attachments formed in his childhood environment (Source: Simply Psychology). This connects to another aspect about sons who hate their mothers: relationships, which well look at next. Again, this will lead to resentment, negatively affecting their relationship. When a son grows up in an abusive household, their relationship with their mother is often strained. 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